The characteristics, personalities, and behaviors of toxic people; and those who breed toxicity can severely destroy an individuals’ companionship with life. Toxicity is a recognized mental illness; a condition of a chaotic mind that slowly insinuates itself into the surrounding lives. Despite it being hidden from outsiders and even from victims, the condition has been recognized to be highly destructive for the emotional and cognitive functions of the breeder and the victim. Hindsight into the chaotic mind of a toxic person tells you why they do what they do. Further along, it guides you on how to deal with different types of toxic people successfully. It gives a profound explanation of the importance of emotional intelligence; in order to elude the effects of a toxic environment.
What is a toxic person? The reasons for people hurting the ones they love, the very anomaly of whether a good person can be a very toxic person at the same time or the unseemly manipulations involved in a relationship, may all be deep-rooted in the toxic psychology of a relationship.
This article will answer all these questions and will guide you on how to deal with a toxic spouse, how to deal with a toxic friend how to deal with a toxic husband; and basically on how to deal with toxic people as a whole?
What are the signs of toxic people?
Toxic people are manipulative
They use words of discouragement and abuse to make you focus on your problems instead of helping them. They will want to avoid true conversation when it comes to straightening their own lives. Toxic people can be manipulative in the sense that they will make their problems appear than they actually are. For them, every single person around them is a tool to carry their emotional and mental baggage.
Toxic people are so judgmental
The toxicity of a toxic person makes them insecure. They are very rigid in their opinions and quick to judge others. Being judgmental makes it easy to cut more people from their lives and pry on the ones existing. That’s why toxic people usually lack warm friendships and rely on family for their emotional needs.
Toxic people take no responsibility for their failures
The reason that makes toxic people so toxic is the negative vibe they give off to others. The failures become their biggest enemies and it gets toxic when they give up on improving themselves. Toxic people would rather react to difficult situations, play victim-blaming than actually work through their difficult times. The impulsiveness and emotional instability this lack of ownership generates is the primary reason they cannot succeed further. The constant failures reinforce the toxicity of their personalities.
Toxic people are never sorry
Failures and disappointments are difficult to handle but if someone is able to get past that, then there is an opportunity to grow and thrive. Toxic people are repulsive to others because of them avoiding to deal with things like an adult. This breeds vanity and narcissism. It is the reason that toxic people don’t see others at their level. It is the reason that they cannot bring themselves to admit their mistake and apologize.
Toxic people cannot keep relationships
The lack of emotional intelligence breeds and festers into this unimaginable mindset of a toxic person. All the attempts at things result in failure because of their bruised ego, narcissism, and condescension towards other people’s efforts. They fail to develop meaningful relationships. They fail to invest and sacrifice for others. Their quick infatuation and sudden disapproval make them hateful to others.
Toxic people are never impressed
The manipulation by a toxic person is their ability to magnify issues. If somebody is naïve by nature, toxic people will gobble them up with their mind tricks. They will be very sharp individuals and may appear very influencing around others. People get impressed by their charm. But, the lack of human feeling is so disregarding for others that they want to leave as fast as they come. Only poor impressionable souls become victim to their narcissism. Even if you try, you will never be able to impress a toxic person; not because you lack anywhere, but because they think they are more important than everyone.
Toxic people lack interest in other people’s lives
Toxic people are just there to profit from others’ vulnerabilities and weaknesses. They are like dementors from Harry Potter. They are emotionally cold to other people’s feelings. That’s why they fail to see worth in others and end up wasting precious relationships and connections. The narcissism of toxic people engulfs them and they just want to remain in the limelight. Other people’s problems are theirs and they better stay out of their paths. They could not care less as long as it carries some opportunity for them.
HOW TO DEAL WITH DIFFERENT TOXIC PEOPLE
How to deal with a toxic husband?
A toxic husband lacks trust and consistency required for any relationship. He wants the wife to take responsibility for his issues and completely disregard any effort to reconcile. This makes the relationship mentally exhausting. The wife is forced to walk on eggshells around her husband to avoid argumentation. In order to deal with a toxic husband, she is more likely to develop this coping mechanism where she takes the emotional abuse and yet, ends up cleaning all the mess created by her husband in family circles.
What to do…
A relationship is not a friendship where a wife just keeps on avoiding her husband. It may involve other individuals like families and kids. Does a controlling person know they are controlling? To deal with a toxic husband, a wife needs to have a strong sense of judgment about who she is as a person. This way, she can save herself from his mind games. She will have to learn to take the stand for her own mental liberation. Otherwise, the subjugation will end in a downward spiral of abuse, hurt, and lack of control that she had never wished for. Thirdly, she needs to be smart enough to never fall prey to his mind games.
How do you stop a toxic person? How do you change toxic behavior in order to deal with a toxic husband? It brings me to this tactic of avoiding argumentation with the husband at all costs. Toxic husbands love to argue but their points are just snaps and weightless words. Avoid justifying yourself and arguing with your toxic husband. Do not give them the importance that they so desperately seek. It may help them get a better hang of things or frustrate them more. If it ends in the latter, then you decide the future course of your relationship. Do you still want to stay married to someone who lacks self-growth?
How to deal with Toxic Friends
Oh yes. Toxic friends are the worst. You could have them at any age and it could ruin three-degree-burn kind of damage to your life forever. A toxic friend is someone who will make you feel like you have no friends. What is a controlling person like? They will isolate you from other social opportunities to meet others. They would want you to live and act by their philosophy; which will crush your individuality. You will be so dependent on them for everything you do. But, this reliance will not be in terms of support, but in terms of conforming yourself to their standards.
A toxic friend will demean and discourage you alone and in front of everyone. A simple sign to detect toxicity in people is to see if you trust them or not. How can you tell if a person is manipulative? If you are very naïve and really cannot tell the difference, there is one simple way to find out. Would you discuss important matters or trust their opinions about people? If no, then they are toxic.
What to do…
Toxic friends can leave permanent scars on a person’s ability to grow. Hence, you need to be extra cautious while making friends. Toxic friends need to be dealt with the silence game. It works with you keeping silent at anything that your mind finds toxic. Like, if they put others down, or want to instigate an argument, or want to prove a point, a sane person like yourself must stay quiet. Your lack of contribution would discourage them to continue.
In order to deal with toxic friends, just don’t give them fuel to light a fire. Some people suggest to avoid or break it off. But, remember, it’s your time to grow and sculpt your EQ skills. If you could only see hopelessness and are emotionally getting hurt, maybe just break it off. But, if you think you can deal with it, then try to bring your friends back on track. How do you change toxic behavior? One tactic that works in every toxic relationship is setting up boundaries. Don’t let them invade your personal space and avoid invading theirs. Yet, if they do not stop, take a break from them. Drop all contact for a while. If that does not seal things over, then it’s your call.
How to deal with toxic people at work?
A toxic work environment can be mentally grueling for a person. Toxic people at work can set you back for years in your professional journey. They may end up developing inhibitions within you which you never even had. How to deal with toxic people at work? How to tell if someone is jealous of you? Does a controlling person know they are controlling?
In a toxic workplace, individuals see bosses as the enemy. They’re under severe mental pressure to produce unrealistic results. One way it could be set is through job insecurity. If a worker is being threatened for their job by a toxic employer on a regular basis, it’s mentally destructive to work in such places. There may be no moral codes and laws in place and colleagues would bully each other. Toxic people at work would want to stab each other in the back to get ahead; by interfering in each other’s professional lives. How do you change toxic behavior? How do you stop a toxic person? If an employee wants to deal with toxic people at work, that employee needs to speak his/her mind and express their opinions freely against the bosses.
What to do…
Toxic workplaces are so unfortunate situations because of a person’s financial dependency issue. One cannot just give it up because they have rents, bills and so many other things to deal with besides having themselves to deal with toxic people at work. The best way is to learn to cope with the workplace. Is it okay to ignore some who hurt you? However, if you truly believe that it is potentially harmful to your mindset and career perspective, then it’s better to leave it before the damage.
How do I stop being manipulated? Treat work as a separate part of your day. Your home is your sanctuary. Recharge your batteries. Do productive things and cut out your thoughts at your time at home. Start reading a book that you can take to work. Your involvement in productive activities will help slowly tune you out from the on-going office drama. Which brings me to the point of avoiding all types of office drama.
How do you change toxic behavior? How do you stop a toxic person? Avoid standing up to abusive bosses or coworkers under the condition that you have already plan to leave the place after a few months for an attractive resume or for financial dependency. It is best to keep you sane. Avoid all drama!
Can toxic people at work change?
Do your work and avoid building relationships with people around you. Better make friends outside the office. Slowly breed a positive mindset and attitude towards all matters and try dabbling with new courses and opportunities to build your resume. Take the isolation to work on yourself. Try to interact more with nature to fuel your positive mindset. Plan weekly trips to natural spaces like parks. That is one of the most natural ways to deal with toxic people at work.
If you are there for a long time, try to find like-minded people and lay the foundation of this nucleus of friendship and care and professional courtesy. People will truly respect the effort and would want to be part of the change. That will be the only way you do not let a toxic person affect you.
How to deal with a toxic wife?
A wife is not someone you did not have control over when it came to making your important decision to find your life’s companion. That should mean that she was someone you loved and found good enough. However, a good person can be very toxic as well.
A toxic wife has less to do with physical trauma than the mental one. She constantly makes you feel inferior. Despite dual family cultures, women still pressurize men to deal with the income pressure for the entire family. Treating her husband like an ATM machine, demotivating him about his work, making him conscious about his family are some of the signs of a toxic wife. Some wives also tend to emasculate men by insulting them if they don’t know minor electrical and repair work around the house. In order to deal with a toxic wife, you need to learn her traits. The toxic wives can be very judgmental of their husbands getting home late after work. They can be extremely sketchy if their husbands want to switch careers or leave their jobs. If the husband is evading to go home after work, if his wife’s presence makes him upset, if he feels like he is being ignored, then chances are that he has a toxic wife.
What to do…
Try to fix some time of your day just for yourself as your first strategy to deal with a toxic wife. That is a real bonus after a stressful day. Try to get your wife to agree to meet your friends’ wives; if your friends’ relationships are thriving. It always helps to make the person realize where they are going wrong. A good suitable company will be helpful for turning her around. A toxic wife can be daunting at times because she makes you constantly worry about her happiness than yours.
Is it OK to ignore someone who hurt you? It is okay if it’s for their benefit. Try to stand up to her and make your point. Maybe, separate your bed from her for a few times and ignore her presence. Let me reiterate this that you are doing all this, not to fight with your wife, but to wear her down a little bit.
Why do people hurt the ones they love? They hurt them if they believe they can turn them around. So, keep your intentions sincere and try hard for saving your marriage. However, if it appears that it is a lost cause, then it’s your call. Some spouses’ toxicity is limited to their friends or homes. However, it is messing up your children and your career, then you have to take a decision for the betterment of everyone.
How to deal with toxic family members
I really wanted to write dysfunctional family relationships, but there you go! Toxicity in a family breeds with faltering parenting techniques. Parents’ lack of discipline and maturity can set this cracker of toxicity off; which plagues their kids’ lives until they die. Sometimes kids band together to save themselves. Kids learn to become parents before their time. They start to become more responsible. It usually ends up in them resenting their toxic parents but banding together of like-minded people can save this situation. However, if kids do not understand the toxic behavior of parents or relatives early enough, they grow up learning the same behavioral patterns.
Controlling behaviour is potentially harmful to everyone in the family unless they have all grown immune to it. But, there is always the one who has to deal with everyone’s bullshit. If it’s you, then don’t lose hope. You will not be helpless forever. There are still quite a few tricks that can help you keep your individuality and personality.
How do you not let a toxic person affect you?
In order to deal with toxic family members, avoid discussing everything with your family, especially asking their opinions about your choice of work or a spouse. It is very disconcerting considering they are your family but we already established that they are toxic people. How do you set boundaries with toxic people? Try to find a good mentor within your acquaintances or at your university. Try to discuss your matters with them. It will help you cope well with having someone outside to help you deal with toxic family members.
Avoid certain topics
Why do I say hurtful things when I’m angry? Because you are not in control. Hence, if you have been through a conversation several times and you are
aware of how it’s going to end, avoid it. This is the second-best rule to deal with toxic family members Don’t turn away because this action will ignite them and put them in a defensive mode. Try to learn some conversation-turners and use them to transition quickly and unseemly into something else. If somebody constantly pesters you, then better leave the place without listening to or speaking any other word. Take a walk outside and rejuvenate your mental state.
Stand up for ourself
Family drama is better to avoid because it leaves you with nothing but exhaustion. But, if it comes to something important like your career, your beliefs, or your friends, then you better stand up for yourself. Staying silent is just dismantling your self-confidence and will distort your belief system. Constant reiteration of your personal choices in terms of your career is necessary to keep your head clear of any emerging doubts. The best way to declare yourself is by saying it one time without justification. It makes you appear serious and kind of a hopeless case to argue with any further.
ROLE OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN DEALING WITH TOXIC PEOPLE:
There are so many types of toxic people. Having a toxic spouse, friend, or workplace environment is the number one cause of stress. Stress is so physically detrimental that it needs to be addressed in the first place. Stressful situations are responsible for the secretion of stress hormones like cortisol. Such hormones are defense mechanisms of a human body. But, long-term stress; in forms of toxic relationships causes a hormonal imbalance in the human body. A human body’s immune system weakens and it becomes more susceptible to infections. Stress can be responsible for certain gastrointestinal malfunctions like acid reflux, heartburn, and constipation. Our muscles tend to become tense under stress. Long-term stress can lead to body pains, migraines, hyperventilation, diabetes, and stroke. Hence, a human mind has to learn the art of emotional intelligence to be able to function under toxic environments and survive stress without any permanent damage.
Do not get distracted
Devise certain lines of actions in response to predictable personalities, issues, and events. It will help you be more proactive in any turn of events. Being in control of a toxic situation is an immunity itself. You become aware of the set patterns and avoid being manipulated. It will save you from getting distracted and doubtful about your choices.
Give People Benefit of Doubt
Toxic people may be doing things for selfish reasons. However, give everyone the benefit of doubt. Every individual has their own life story that shapes up their minds and attitudes. Cutting people slack and not taking things personally will help you maintain your focus and not lose control.
Learn to say No
Toxic workplaces and environments have the tendency to spiral out of control. Simple awareness of it does not help because people keep violating an individual’s privacy. Hence, the best solution is to learn to build your own work and social paradigm and let it dictate your actions. This is one of the quickest ways to deal with toxic people at work. Instead of planning responses individually to each person, a toxic or dysfunctional family and work environment affects less if an individual work according to their own rules and not according to what the situation demands.
SUGGESTIONS OF BOOKS ON DEALING WITH TOXIC PEOPLE:
The Antidote for Women Stuck in Complicated Friendships” is a book classifying types of toxic roles friends can delve into. SO, it is a profound classification of toxic people. It is written by Susan Sharpie. The book categorizes the personalities of women with hidden elements of toxicity like; the Leader of the Pack, the Doormat, the Misery Lover, the Trophy Friend, the User, etc. These labels are an attempt by Susan Sharpie to highlight the transactional and emotional nature of friendships. From the lens of psychology, there may be more strings attached than the initial bonds of love and concern.
Susan Forward is the writer of “Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life”. She does not hold back when it comes to serious parenting techniques failures in toxic families. Also, she pinpoints the different natures and trends of gaslighting and parentification when it comes to parents exuberating extreme toxic vibes. She juxtaposed-ly presents the extreme controls, guilt trips, and symbiotic relationships that exist between parents and children. She bravely gives a detailed account of the crippling and stultifying effects of such toxic behavior on the emotional and physical growth of the children.
Mothers who can’t love
“Mothers Who Can’t Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters” is a book co-authored by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier and is; by far, my most favorite book. With the wave of working mothers entering every new industry and the rise of feminism, there have been some social by-products that cannot be denied. With the plague of criticism, control, role-reversal, emotional neglect, competition, and abuse from their mothers, the daughters are dealing with a lack of trust, lack of confidence, lack of love, relationship issues, and inflicting the same behaviors on their daughters. After decades of experience and case histories, Forwards has been able to classify mothers into different categories: Narcissistic Mother, the Competitive Mother, the Overly Enmeshed mother, the Control Freak, Mothers who need Mothering, and mothers who abuse or fail to protect their daughters from abuse.
In light of her experience, she has devised successful techniques for such women who have dealt a bad hand at parenting. This book is a perfect guide on how to deal with toxic mothers and how to deal with toxic mothers-in-law. These techniques are addressing the emotional trauma as well as are capable to help them deal with situations better.
Toxic people are victims of failures and toxicity most of the time. What they grew up with, they tend to project it on to others. Hence, an informed individual should feel empathy for such individuals. They should try to help them directly or indirectly; if it’s too much for them. They should understand their trauma, and try to help them cope by making them experience unique situations. Such situations will keep toxic people away from going into the toxic mode of judgment, and truly experience new things that they know nothing about. Keeping them away from the people they know, and introducing them to the people they don’t know is the best way to help regulate their toxicity.